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A resolution presented to Tom Izbicki December 8, 2015
on the occasion of his retirement from Rutgers University.
A Resolution for Tom (“Is Busy”) Izbicki
WHEREAS and WHENCE: since Doctor Tom, i.e., “Izzy the Bickster,” once churned and earned a Doctoral Decree full well from Cornell University of the Finger Lakes;
WHEREAS and WHENCE: since Doctor Izz, i.e., “He who Looks at Books,” mastered a Masters Decree in Library Silence from the I. U. Bloomington University of Hoosierdom;
WHEREAS and WHITHER: since The Gentleman with the Initials T.M.I., which stands not so much for “Too Much Information,” but rather for “Thoroughly Motivated Ingenuity,” did sparkle and gleam as a Subject Specialist – and at times even as a Honcho of Collections – during years of duty as he pulled his freight at Wichita State, kept on clockin’ and rockin’ at Johns Hopkins, and piqued or peaked his career as he kept on truckin’ with the truckers at Rutgers;
WHEREAS and WHITHER: since Monsignor Thomas, i.e., the Gnome at Home in Rome, a respected scholar without a clerical collar, while documenting the medieval church chronicle and the laws canonical, followed the Cardinal rules; discovered that Piccolomini was redundant (since “piccolo” = “mini”), and was therefore pious as a Pius; took an, uh, Cusa-story approach; and put the Eucharist in its place (medievally, canonically, legally speaking);
WHEREAS and WHATEVER: since Tom, known as “Tom,” has proven himself to be an excellent colleague and friend in circles narrowly local and broadly inter-national, from meetings of the Western European Studies Sectional Ottoman to tours of subterranean archeological church foundations (subtle, arcane and logical) in the Eternal City;”
WHEREAS and WHOOP-DEE-DOO: since the name “Izbicki” has etymological – if not entomological – sources within the halls and walls of the Polish word “izba,” meaning “room,” and since a “tom” is different than a “hen,” such that he really could and should be named “Dr. Tom (‘Turkey’) Chambers;”
WHEREAS and HOWEVER: since Dr. Tom (‘Turkey’) Chambers, the Man of the Hour, or Man of the Day, the Week, the Year, will now be able to proclaim with W.C. Fields (not on some future grave marker but as a conversation sparker):
“On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia;”
NOW THEREFORE, WHEREFORE, EVERMORE, and WHAT’S MORE: Let it be decreed herewith and shouted from the rooftops (or declaimed from the risotto restaurants of Via Veneto and from the quiet and vitally secreted dives of the Vatican Secret Archives) that WE (that is, All of Us), proffer and offer up unto Him on the Occasion of His Retirement (which shall surely now slow his writing to only 50 hours per week)… continuing that thought, we offer and proffer Him the maximum of best wishes for a long and joyous future: for a post-collection-connection future; for a post-committee-meeting future; for an ad hoc, ex officio future in jubilo, in extremis, in excelsis, surrounded by family, friends, books, food and drink, satisfaction, and the occasional reminder that we (All of Us, remember!) will be directing our ongoing feelings, our glowing feelings, our ever-flowing feelings His way with the sincerity and gentleness of old friends.
Richard Hacken and Gordon Anderson.
Illustrations: Beata Szpura.