"Marvelous Marvin is Wiggin' On Out"
What is the message today all about?
Marvelous Marvin is wiggin' on out.
Forty long years in the wilderness
Have given him more than his fill of us:
Just as you'll no longer find J.C. Higgins in Sears,
You'll no longer see Marvin Wiggins hang out with his peers.
But let's take a minute just to review
What Marvin has put or pushed or taken us through.
Through the virtual birches
Of the forest of knowledge he searches
And he says: follow me – through sociology.
(Sociology, the methodology of finding satisfaction in human interaction.)
And he says: follow me – through psychology.
(Psychology, the apology for minds that unwind.)
And he says: follow me, buddies – through family studies.
(Family studies, knowing which lever to push forever.)
With the specialized knowledge that he hath
Marv leads us all down the rosy path...
Down the family studies path,
Down the sociopath,
Down the psychopath.
And today
We survey
The aftermath.
We count up the students that he hath
Led down the path
Of knowledge
Within the College
And the alliances
Of Family, Home, Social and Who Knows What Other Kinds of Sciences.
Yes, today we count
As the numbers mount
The number of those Mr. M. Wiggins guided,
Of all those who in him confided:
Of all the professors,
Positive progressors and negative regressors,
Of all the patrons, all the matrons,
Of students eager to learn,
Of donors with plenty of money to burn,
Of those in many an academic location
Who needed behavioral information.
Of all those brutish former losers
Who became astute, Wiggins-trained, library users.
If ever Marv happened to meet a jerk,
His skills quickly turned him toward social work:
Former thieves and barroom bouncers –
These he guided to family counselors.
So here is a man who has done Oh-So-Much,
Revealing in all he accomplished the true Wiggins touch:
Biographically even his indexing labors
Extended to Mormons as well as their Neighbors.
His teaching was terrific
And only rarely soporific.
He even knew the possible uses
To find what might be the best excuses
For setting out behavioral objectives
And staving off invectives
In a way whereby instruction
Without total cerebral destruction
For students of the university
Could with uniform alacrity
Guarantee the highest levels,
Could round off the nicest bevels
Of wisdom...
And we will miss him.
Today our words are not symbolic,
They are organic, metabolic,
They are even somewhat true,
Even if filled with the tritest hype
For we are indeed most grateful to
This socio-psycho-instructional librarian type
Whose name in stone we carve:
Named Marvelous Marv.
Today with our words we frolic
To celebrate our colleakue.
Whether we be low in station,
Making just a quick notation
Illustrating our elation,
Or whether we be apostolic
In our praises hyperbolic,
We all raise a chorus
Within the forest
Of knowledge
At the Home and Family (Etc.) College
To our friend
Whose career is at an end.
What is the message today all about?
Marvelous Marvin is wiggin' on out.
Forty long years in the wilderness
Have given him more than his fill of us:
Just as you'll no longer find J.C. Higgins in Sears,
You'll no longer see Marvin Wiggins cavort with his peers.
- Richard Hacken, 31 January 2007